First, a shout out of gratitude to Susan Rochow, Registered Psychologist with Eckert Psychology and Education Centre, for being a guest facilitator! Our meet-up conversation this month took us through three main topics:

Ongoing #MeToo coverage and its effects on us, what actions are taking place

At times it's overwhelming and at times we need to learn how to "put it away" so that it doesn't trigger us. Some suggested they have to compartmentalize the discussions or avoid listening to the news. Others commented that it has opened up the ability to talk about abuse and harassment more openly. Still others shared their frustration with the difference between all the talk, but question what we're actually doing to create change.

Learn to be assertive. Many of us tend to be nice, use humour or avoid inappropriate comments. One question to ask is, "Why is okay for you to feel uncomfortable in those situations but it's not okay for the other individual to be offended - or uncomfortable?"

Various reactions stem from fight or flight. We are either avoidant or aggressive. Assertive might look like this: "Hey buddy, I love you (depending on the situation!), but when you say or do that, it makes me really uncomfortable and I'd like it if you would not do/say that."

For those who are frustrated with lack of action or 'what next', we were invited to reflect on the idea that what we do in our meet-ups IS part of the action.

Trauma impacts our triggers

Trauma changes the brain, whether it's a brain injury from a car accident to surviving war, or an experience with physical or verbal abuse. The type of trauma doesn't really matter.

We have pre-conscious memory, usually until we're 4 or 5 years old. We're learning more and more about kinaesthetic and emotional memory as well. While some of the words can sound big, it basically means that even though we may not remember consciously, trauma experienced in the womb or as a toddler impacts us and creates triggers we may not understand, even into adulthood.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk is a recommended read, to help us understand our brains and why we get stuck and feel like we're on a hamster wheel in our trauma.

Self-Care

When asked what each of us do to look after ourselves, these were some suggestions*:

• While you're healing, release yourself from the responsibility of how others react or respond to you.

• Peer support - like our meet-ups.

• Structured sleep, pay attention to your sleep hygiene.

• Nutmeg, turmeric/curcumin are good for relaxation, sleep enhancement, inflammation reduction.

• EMPowerplus Formula (vitamin/mineral supplement). A few attendees knew what this was and use it - overall health formula. It is available at natural or health food stores, or online. We must include a disclaimer here, that we are not endorsing this product, just sharing the information from our meet-up.

• Naturopath to discuss personal sensitivities and nutritional needs.

Check out this resource re: the container exercise we learned at the end of the evening. As many found it beneficial, you may want to try it, too!

Other Resources:

Safe Place Relaxation Techniques 

The Body Keeps the Score – by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Getting Past Your Past – by Francine Shapiro The Haunted Self – by Der Hart Van (Author),‎ Ellert R Nijenhuis (Author),‎ K Steele (Author)

*These suggestions were expressed by those at the meet-up and are not necessarily an endorsement by BFF.

Next week we launch #BF4ME - a holistic approach to removing excuses and taking control of our healing journey! If you aren't on our email list but would like to find out more, please sign up here.