News

Our conversations during our free monthly meet-ups take us in a variety of directions, and in order to ensure we circle back for reference, we post these resource blogs the day (or two) following a meet-up. The intent is to provide a roundup of resources or references from the conversation that night.

This past Wednesday evening we hosted our second meet-up of the month at The Commons. Our discussion was raw and engaging, the safety of our environment providing open and vulnerable conversation.

THEMES

  • Words that work: Two hot-button topics invariably come up – forgiveness and why traumatic events happen (is there a bigger, scripted plan?). Sometimes words themselves are the triggers so finding a different word that resonates with you, may help in processing your thoughts and feelings. For example, “forgiveness” might bring up negative emotions, so maybe using “compassion” instead would alleviate that trigger. It will be different for each of us but the important piece to remember is that it needs to be a word or phrase that works for you.
  • Is it all scripted? This question was brought up, wondering if our lives were planned for us before we were born. One belief is that everything happens for a reason. Another response was how horrible to believe that abuse could ever be a plan. The conversation ignited some passionate responses and it was a reminder that we all do have beliefs that require our support and respect, not challenging someone’s correctness. In the end, the consensus was to remember that when bad things do happen, we are in charge of our choices and response to it.
  • Stuffing it makes you sick: When things are held in, sometimes for decades, that stuffing or keeping it inside will eventually make you sick and it will show up somewhere, somehow.
  • Helping is healing: Sometimes it’s as simple as being present and listening, nothing else.

IDEAS & INSPIRATION

  • What would Kamal do? One of our couples who attend regularly shared a story of taking a cab home from the airport. They were cut off and the husband told the driver to honk at the guy. Kamal’s response was, “What good would that do? Nothing. No good can come from rage.”
  • If you haven’t heard of the Reticular Activation System (RAS) in our brains, this article describes it well. It’s like the white Jeep. Once you purchase it you see them everywhere. Our brains automatically filter what we focus on. The good news is, we can retrain those neurons. Interesting stuff!
  • Breathing and relaxation techniques: When anxiety or the chatter in our brains becomes too much, these techniques may prove helpful.
    • Soothing Your Nervous System Right Now
    • Theo recently went on a University tour with We’re All a Little “Crazy” and learned this Alternate Nostril Breathing technique that similarly calms the nervous system. The breath stimulates the “vagus” nerve in the neck, which is the pacemaker of the CNS, telling the organs it speaks to as blood is fed to them that: we’re okay, we’re not in danger, you can relax. Try it:
  • Put your index and middle fingers on the bridge of your nose.
  • Use your thumb to plug one nostril while you breathe in and hold for four seconds.
  • Hold for two seconds.
  • Switch nostrils to exhale for six seconds.
  • Repeat, switching the nostrils each time you inhale/exhale and repeat until you feel calm, generally 5-10 minutes.

OUR MEET-UP STRUCTURE

Because our meet-ups are growing each month (which we are so grateful for), we now have the need to provide more structure to these meetings so everyone gets more out of them. Last night we introduced a few rules and ideas for the meetings:

  • Please, no cross-talk. We want to be respectful of people’s stories and their time, so please allow others to finish their piece, before adding on.
  • We encourage participants and members of our community to reach out to new joiners and offer to support them or be a mentor of sorts. This type of thing is a successful structure in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) with their ‘sponsor program’.
  • As BFF members, we are at the meetings to facilitate a safe conversation, but a reminder that we are not therapists.
  • If you need someone to talk to between meetings, please reach out to the Calgary Distress Centre or call their 24-hour line at 403-266-HELP.

 

This week’s #FriendsFriday contribution comes to us courtesy of Jeff Nagle of The Roaming Mind. Jeff is our #VictorWalk Coordinator in Riverview, NB. Reach out to him at hawkeynut@gmail.com if you are looking for more info on this sister rally & walk which took place in Riverview on July 21, 2018.

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You are not doing yourself any favours by holding your story in. Live it, share it and give it away. The world needs you right now.

Everyone has a story. There is not one person on this planet that has not gone through some kind of adversity at some point in life or is going through some right now. While the old school of thought is to just bury it, don’t talk about it and deal with it, the new reality is, not reading your story out loud is no longer an option.

We live in a very open world, where demands on our transparency have never been greater. If we choose to remain closed, the battle between the reality on the outside and the truth that is building itself on the inside eventually break us down. Because we are so interconnected through social media, we can no longer just live our own lives as if we are on an island. Even if we don’t want to admit to it, we are constantly comparing our emotional state to that of others. If we have untapped emotional pain then this naturally happening emotional comparison only serves to drive us further into the ground.

I remember the life that I lead prior to coming forward with my emotional pain from childhood abuse. I was able to easily hold it in. As I had nobody else in which to compare to, I just believed that I was alone with my journey and accepted it as fact. It is no coincidence that with the rise of social media about 10 years ago (specifically, Facebook), my inner pain became a bit sharper. With more and more people speaking out, I began to hear my inner voice myself and I had an option to kill it or embrace it.

I chose the latter.

Recently, I had the opportunity to give my book to a world-renowned author and public speaker, Robin Sharma. He has written 11 books and his most famous book, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari has sold millions of copies. While I was a nervous wreck giving him my book, I had a sense of pride that I was able to give him a token of my appreciation. His books have inspired me countless times and then being able to go to his seminars every year has given me even more energy to continue on, learning and living life to the best of my ability. As we were about to part ways, he thanked me for the book and then told me, “The world needs you now.”

The world needs you now.

This is not the first time that I heard this phrase being told to me. Each time I hear it, it resonates with me quite profoundly. It leads me to question, what does the world need from me? What more do I have to give? Am I giving enough? And the answer is always no. The world doesn’t need my past and it doesn’t need my future, what the world needs from me is my presence. And that is all the world wants from each of us, our presence.

If we are carrying around a lot of untapped emotional baggage, it becomes nearly impossible to live in the moment. We are constantly at war with ourselves and others who we feel are attacking the weakest parts of us. Once we can share our pain, expose our weakness and allow others to help fix us, then we become ambassadors of victory. It doesn’t mean you have to be completely cured of your past, it just tells the world you are working on being a better you. Being a better you only comes from being present and that my friend, is why the world needs you now. If each of us is truly open about our intention of healing, then there is no reason why many of our world’s problems cannot be solved.

Be present by sharing your voice, being open about your pain, and by giving your story away. The world needs you now.

 

 

Copyright Jeff Nagle, The Roaming Mind (2018).  Used with permission.

Our thanks to Jeff. Be sure to visit his site and follow him at https://theroamingmind.com.