News

Our conversations during our free monthly meet-ups take us in a variety of directions, and in order to ensure we circle back for reference, we post these resource blogs the day (or two) following a meet-up. The intent is to provide a roundup of resources or references from the conversation that night.

This past Wednesday evening we hosted our second meet-up of the month at The Commons. Our discussion was raw and engaging, the safety of our environment providing open and vulnerable conversation.

THEMES

  • Words that work: Two hot-button topics invariably come up – forgiveness and why traumatic events happen (is there a bigger, scripted plan?). Sometimes words themselves are the triggers so finding a different word that resonates with you, may help in processing your thoughts and feelings. For example, “forgiveness” might bring up negative emotions, so maybe using “compassion” instead would alleviate that trigger. It will be different for each of us but the important piece to remember is that it needs to be a word or phrase that works for you.
  • Is it all scripted? This question was brought up, wondering if our lives were planned for us before we were born. One belief is that everything happens for a reason. Another response was how horrible to believe that abuse could ever be a plan. The conversation ignited some passionate responses and it was a reminder that we all do have beliefs that require our support and respect, not challenging someone’s correctness. In the end, the consensus was to remember that when bad things do happen, we are in charge of our choices and response to it.
  • Stuffing it makes you sick: When things are held in, sometimes for decades, that stuffing or keeping it inside will eventually make you sick and it will show up somewhere, somehow.
  • Helping is healing: Sometimes it’s as simple as being present and listening, nothing else.

IDEAS & INSPIRATION

  • What would Kamal do? One of our couples who attend regularly shared a story of taking a cab home from the airport. They were cut off and the husband told the driver to honk at the guy. Kamal’s response was, “What good would that do? Nothing. No good can come from rage.”
  • If you haven’t heard of the Reticular Activation System (RAS) in our brains, this article describes it well. It’s like the white Jeep. Once you purchase it you see them everywhere. Our brains automatically filter what we focus on. The good news is, we can retrain those neurons. Interesting stuff!
  • Breathing and relaxation techniques: When anxiety or the chatter in our brains becomes too much, these techniques may prove helpful.
    • Soothing Your Nervous System Right Now
    • Theo recently went on a University tour with We’re All a Little “Crazy” and learned this Alternate Nostril Breathing technique that similarly calms the nervous system. The breath stimulates the “vagus” nerve in the neck, which is the pacemaker of the CNS, telling the organs it speaks to as blood is fed to them that: we’re okay, we’re not in danger, you can relax. Try it:
  • Put your index and middle fingers on the bridge of your nose.
  • Use your thumb to plug one nostril while you breathe in and hold for four seconds.
  • Hold for two seconds.
  • Switch nostrils to exhale for six seconds.
  • Repeat, switching the nostrils each time you inhale/exhale and repeat until you feel calm, generally 5-10 minutes.

OUR MEET-UP STRUCTURE

Because our meet-ups are growing each month (which we are so grateful for), we now have the need to provide more structure to these meetings so everyone gets more out of them. Last night we introduced a few rules and ideas for the meetings:

  • Please, no cross-talk. We want to be respectful of people’s stories and their time, so please allow others to finish their piece, before adding on.
  • We encourage participants and members of our community to reach out to new joiners and offer to support them or be a mentor of sorts. This type of thing is a successful structure in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) with their ‘sponsor program’.
  • As BFF members, we are at the meetings to facilitate a safe conversation, but a reminder that we are not therapists.
  • If you need someone to talk to between meetings, please reach out to the Calgary Distress Centre or call their 24-hour line at 403-266-HELP.

 

Our conversations during our free monthly meet-ups take us in a variety of directions, and in order to ensure we circle back for reference, we post these resource blogs the day (or two) following a meet-up. The intent is to provide a roundup of resources or references from the conversation that night.

Last night, we hosted our second meet-up at the month, this one at The Commons. There were many returning faces that we haven’t seen in a while, including some members of the local Bikers Against Child Abuse (BACA) chapter.

Bikers Against Child Abuse, Inc. (B.A.C.A.) exists with the intent to create a safer environment for abused children. We exist as a body of Bikers to empower children to not feel afraid of the world in which they live. We stand ready to lend support to our wounded friends by involving them with an established, united organization. We work in conjunction with local and state officials who are already in place to protect children. We desire to send a clear message to all involved with the abused child that this child is part of our organization, and that we are prepared to lend our physical and emotional support to them by affiliation, and our physical presence. We stand at the ready to shield these children from further abuse. We do not condone the use of violence or physical force in any manner, however, if circumstances arise such that we are the only obstacle preventing a child from further abuse, we stand ready to be that obstacle. [BACA]

THEMES

  • Forgiveness and letting go: there was a lot of talk about letting go, forgiveness and surrendering. This concept was described in a profound way by one of our board members.

“I call it being in non-resistance, accepting exactly what’s going on right now.” — Sheryl Anderson

IDEAS & INSPIRATION

  • Helping is healing: something we always circle back to, how helping others actually helps ourselves too. Volunteering your time, mentoring someone—there are so many ways you can help others and find a purpose. There have been numerous studies on this, including some noted benefits in this article from Mental Floss.

Looking for more meaning in your day-to-day existence? Studies show that volunteering enhances an individual’s overall sense of purpose and identity—particularly if they no longer hold a life-defining role like “worker” or “parent.”  [Mental Floss]

OUR MEET-UP STRUCTURE

Because our meet-ups are growing each month (which we are so grateful for), we now have the need to provide more structure to these meetings so everyone gets more out of them. Last night we introduced a few rules and ideas for the meetings:

  • Please no cross-talk. We want to be respectful of people’s stories and their time, so please allow others to finish their piece, before adding on.
  • We encourage participants and members of our community to reach out to new joiners and offer to support them or be a mentor of sorts. This type of thing is a successful structure in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) with their ‘sponsor program’.
  • As BFF members, we are at the meetings to facilitate a safe conversation, but a reminder that we are not therapists.
  • If you need someone to talk to between meetings, please reach out to the Calgary Distress Centre or call their 24-hour line at 403-266-HELP.

Our conversations during our free monthly meet-ups take us in a variety of directions, and in order to ensure we circle back for reference, we post these resource blogs the day (or two) following a meet-up. The intent is to provide a roundup of resources or references from the conversation that night.

Last night, we hosted the first monthly meet-up at Serenity Now Wellness, a location that we have the honour of using once a month, in addition to The Commons. We will host at Serenity Now the first Wednesday of every month, and a second meet-up at The Commons, the schedule will vary. We are so grateful to host meet-ups twice a month!

ABOUT SERENITY WELLNESS

Tessa Martin is a psychologist and the owner of Serenity Now Wellness, she shared how all of their practitioners are trauma-informed.

At Serenity Now, you will have access to our team of Calgary psychologists, mental health counselors, massage therapists, dietitians, and yoga therapists who are dedicated to creating a peaceful and relaxing therapeutic environment, enabling you to work through a diverse range of issues.

Last night, had some new faces and some inspiring regulars. It was a night of many gifts and many lessons for us all, but there were some recurring themes to make note of.

IDEAS & INSPIRATION

  • Mike Terry: Terry is a veteran biking across Canada for veterans. Recently, he shared a video on suicide that hit home for a veteran at our meet-up.

I want to carry the message that we as veterans are all connected, that we are all worthy of happiness and purpose. I want every veteran to know that it is ok to struggle. And that no one of us needs to face our demons alone or fear judgement for them. – Mike Terry

  • Tools on dealing with triggers (as shared by the group):
    • Gratitude journal
    • Writing
    • Yoga
    • Meditation
    • Boxing/fitness
    • Music
    • Food/diet
    • Massage
    • Reading
    • Photography
    • Nature
    • Animals
    • Support/friendships

RESOURCES

  • EMDR: EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which is an integrative psychotherapy approach. This type of therapy uses a patient’s own rapid eye movements, to take emotionally charged memories out of traumatic events. Using eye movements and “tricking your brain”, therapists can essentially reprogram the memory of a traumatic event to more positive or neutral emotions. [Learn more about how it works]
  • ‘The Body Keeps the Score’: this is a book on the body’s interaction with trauma, written by Bessel van der Kolk, MD.

Renowned trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he transforms our understanding of traumatic stress, revealing how it literally rearranges the brain’s wiring—specifically areas dedicated to pleasure, engagement, control, and trust. He shows how these areas can be reactivated through innovative treatments including neurofeedback, mindfulness techniques, play, yoga, and other therapies. [Amazon]

OUR MEET-UP STRUCTURE

Because our meet-ups are growing each month (which we are so grateful for), we now have the need to provide more structure to these meetings so everyone gets more out of them. Last night we introduced a few rules and ideas for the meetings:

  • Please no cross-talk. We want to be respectful of people’s stories and their time, so please allow others to finish their piece, before adding on.
  • We encourage participants and members of our community to reach out to new joiners and offer to support them or be a mentor of sorts. This type of thing is a successful structure in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) with their ‘sponsor program’.
  • As BFF members, we are at the meetings to facilitate a safe conversation, but a reminder that we are not therapists.
  • If you need someone to talk to between meetings, please reach out to the Calgary Distress Centre or call their 24-hour line at 403-266-HELP.

UPCOMING GOLF TOURNAMENT

Our mission is to provide survivors of traumatic life events with the treatment and support needed to reclaim their lives. Our goal is to pave the road for trauma healing and create valuable conversations about mental health, trauma and abuse. Removing the stigma, starting the healing, one day at a time.

One of the ways we are doing this is through our Therapy Grant Program, which allows approved candidates to receive designated therapy services, paid for via our foundation.

The fundraising goal of our tournament is to raise $25,000, that will enable 33 individuals to access therapy grants.

Full schedule available on the website!
18 holes | Prizes & swag | Lunch & Banquet Dinner | Silent Auction & Celebrity Golfers

Confirmed celebrity guests include:

  • Theo Fleury
  • Curtis Glencross
  • Mike Commodore
  • Gord Bamford
  • Colin Patterson
  • Dana Murzyn
  • Brent Krahn
  • Sean Selmser
  • Russ Romaniuk
  • Dwayne Hay
  • Mike Cvic

Sponsorships are still available and we encourage you to register and help us spread the word!

Our conversations during our free monthly meet-ups take us in a variety of directions, and in order to ensure we circle back for reference, we’re going to start posting these resource blogs the day following a meet-up. The intent is to provide a roundup of resources or references from the conversation the night before.

  • EMDR is a great therapy tool for PTSD and untapped memories. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which is an integrative psychotherapy approach. This type of therapy uses a patient’s own rapid eye movements, to take emotionally charged memories out of traumatic events. More on how EMDR works.
  • This Brene Brown video on empathy is a great illustration on how to hold space for someone.
  • Some quick strategies for diffusing your anger, as per this Psychology Today article.
  • Dealing with trauma in children can be tough to navigate. Here are some tips on recognizing trauma in children, and also on responding to disclosures. The organization RAINN has some great tips for how and when to start the conversation with your kids about sexual abuse.
  • If you’re looking for information on reporting a historic sexual assault, Calgary Communities Against Sexual Abuse has a program, PACES, that helps navigate this.A Sexual Assault Worker who is trained in sexual assault trauma and is experienced in the justice system can help address your concerns and assist with a variety of issues including:
    • Answering questions about your options in reporting the assault.
    • Going with you to the police and crown prosecutor.
    • Answering questions about police and court processes – what to expect.
    • Discussing your concerns about going to court.
    • Going with you to court and offering support.
    • Assistance writing a Victim Impact Statement.
    • Assistance filling out Victim Compensation forms.
    • Providing post court follow up.
    • Making appropriate referrals.

 

Going to see a therapist for the first time, can be understandably nerve-racking, but if you know what to expect it it will likely put you at ease. Understand that taking this first step is something to celebrate, and that progress can happen quicker if you know what to expect from the experience.

Your first session with a therapist will be somewhat of an assessment, an opportunity for the therapist to get to know you, and why you’re there. It’s also an opportunity for you to get a feel for the therapist, and take the first step towards a safe relationship with that person.

Here’s what your first therapy session will likely look like:

  • An understanding of what brought you to therapy: while you will uncover many layers during your therapy, it’s important to clarify a specific reason why you are seeking therapy. Therapists do an amazing job of seeing below the surface to deeper causes, but let them in on what’s on the surface level first.
  • Your current symptoms and feelings: you will be asked by the therapist (and likely in a questionnaire too) about any symptoms you may be experiencing at the time. Things like: insomnia, flashbacks, loss of appetite, etc. Based on whatever type of trauma has led you to therapy, you will be asked a broad variety of questions regarding symptoms and emotions. Be honest with yourself and the therapist, there’s no shame in the safe space of a therapist’s room, and your progress comes quicker when you’re upfront about these types of things.
  • Family tree and relationships: relationships and family origin play a big role in how we’re shaped, so your therapist will likely ask you a variety of questions about your family history and important relationships in your life.
  • Be honest, be open, be ready: since you know now that your first session will largely be an interview (for which there are no wrong answers), try to formulate what your answers will be ahead of time.

Your therapist will probably leave you with something to think about for the next session, but keep in mind that therapy is a process not a quick solution. Be patient with yourself and the process, and you’ll reap the benefits of safe, open conversation.

If you’d like to learn about how you can access free therapy from a trauma therapist, read about our Therapy Grant Program. You can also follow us on Facebook and Twitter for more updates and resources.

— Written by Amber Craig
[Follow me on Twitter]